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Diaries Of Lokis Chambermaid 6 The Downward Spiral

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Dear Diary, I have never needed you as much as I do now. I truly have nowhere to turn. My family have been told I am in trouble for helping a criminal in the Palace, which I cannot deny, as I would be making our King out to be a liar. I have simply refused to talk to them about it, as it breaks my heart that Loki would try to drive a wedge between us like this. I am escorted everywhere in the Palace by a guard; I am even picked up by one at home and taken back again when I am done with my duties. That’s if he lets me go home; he has taken to insisting upon overnight stays on some nights, in case he needs me at an unsocial hour. It’s as if he is trying to control every moment of my day – and night. I know you won’t believe this, but he has made me wear a muzzle when I am out and about in the Palace. I cover it with a silk scarf to hide my embarrassment and the word has been put about that I have been ordered to be silent as a punishment for “aiding a criminal”.

That day the guards arrested me? Well, I was taken straight to him in his suite; whereupon he locked me in and told me I would not be leaving until I had cleared up all the mess that I had neglected to attend to. My punishment is awful! I also get utter silence from him, other than orders to carry out tasks. No “please”, “thank you” or “hello”. He treats me like I am some kind of machine. I can’t stand the complete lack of speech; it’s starting to drive me mad.

 

On top of all that, the courtesan I helped has gone missing. Oh, I must go – the guard is here to take me to the Palace. I’ll write again soon.

 

 

 

Thank goodness I’m home; I’ve got lots to tell!

I had to stay last night again. I hate it! I got there yesterday, made the tea, ran the bath and went to wake him up. He was curled up like a baby; his arms wrapped around a pillow, hugging it tight and he looked so peaceful. I’ve never seen him like that before, but I noticed he had that blue shawl bundled up next to his face. The one he had hold of that day I first discovered him. I’m sure it must have been Frigga’s.

I didn’t want to wake him up in case he would be angry at me seeing him like that, so I made the tea cup rattle in its saucer as I placed it on his bedside table. By the time the sound had fully roused him from his sleep, I was back over at the table sorting out his breakfast. It didn’t take him long to adopt the stern attitude he’s had towards me since I helped the courtesan and the rest of the morning was spent in utter silence. Loki then went off to court without me and I spent the day carrying out tasks whilst being followed around by my new babysitter.

Did I tell you about him? He’s a new recruit to the Palace Guard. He’s probably mortified that he has to trail around after a disgraced maid all day instead of doing the duties he signed up for. He’s not allowed to speak to me unless absolutely necessary, either. Anyway, I got lots done and I even had the supper ready for the tired and moody “King” to return to. He removed my muzzle, then I helped him out of his armour as usual and he went for a quick shower while I hung it all up in the closet. He was wearing his usual green and black when he came back out (how come there are no questions asked about that in the laundry? They’re not what Odin would wear!) and he actually asked me if I had eaten anything during the day. It took me a minute to answer I have to say because I was quite surprised. Anyway, I’d not eaten since mid-morning – because I can’t eat through solid metal, can I? So I actually took supper with Loki – he let me sit at the table as well, which was a bit awkward, because he then didn’t talk to me again. He didn’t eat much, either and it was really hard to not look each time he refilled his glass from the wine carafe. He just sat there, sipping from his glass, watching me eat. I felt really uncomfortable, so I finished up quickly and cleared everything but the carafe and his glass away.

He asked me to tidy his desk, which took ages because he always leaves it in a mess, but expects everything to be put back in the correct manner.

And he stared at me the whole time. He was drinking steadily from that damned glass. I could tell he was getting drunk, because he went even quieter and his head started to hang down. His hair fell over his face and the glass threatened to spill everywhere, so I went over and took it from him. He looked up at me and I was really scared he would hit me or something, but his eyes were red-rimmed and he just looked miserable. He was so drunk, he didn’t say anything. His eyes rolled up and his head fell forwards again. It was no good! He’s not even a merry drunk! He doesn’t do this socially or to celebrate. It’s alone, in his room, until he passes out. I think he drinks to forget.

Well, I shook him and I told him it was time for him to retire. I don’t know how we managed, because he is so tall and he was next to useless at walking, but we staggered over to the bed and he fell almost all the way on to it and passed out completely. I struggled, but I managed to get his legs on as well, then I took off his slippers. I didn’t know whether to undress him or not, because it was the first time I’d ever actually helped him to bed. I’ve slept over sometimes since my arrest, but it has always been in the servants’ quarters with a guard outside. I knew he never had anything on when I woke him up in the mornings, but I didn’t want to try to get the clothes of an eight foot something, incredibly drunk and so very heavy unconscious man. But I didn’t want to be told off and punished for allowing him to crease his clothing.


It didn’t end up mattering in the end. I tried pulling his arm out of his shirt, but he pulled me down beside him, cuddled up behind me and started snoring. It was awful! He stank of the wine, he was snoring right into my ear and his arm was like a dead weight on my stomach – which was bad because I needed the bathroom!

 

I did manage to sneak away and use the bathroom. It was really late and I decided to go and sleep in the servants’ quarters. Forget the clothes – it was his own fault! I was washing my hands when I heard the first shout. It made me jump! I went to see what the matter was and it was those dreams again. He was having an awful nightmare. I don’t know how anyone can move around and shout as much as he was and not wake up. I was tempted to try to wake him, but you know what he did the last time I tried that. Then I did have an idea. I got the blue shawl from the wardrobe and folded it into a small bundle – it smelled faintly of sweet lilac. Really carefully, I placed it near his face and moved his hand to lie on it. He seemed to sense it and he was transformed. I could see him relaxing and all the fear and anger went from his face.

 

I slept there anyway. I put pillows down the middle of the bed just in case. I didn’t hear a thing in the night, so I think he got a decent sleep. I have to admit, though, I made the tea and put out his breakfast after I’d managed to sneak that shawl back into the wardrobe and taken the pillows away. He’d go mad if he knew I’d stayed the night with him.

 

He didn’t mention the night before when I woke him. I think he had a bad hangover, so I put a remedy in his tea – one you can’t taste – and hoped he would feel better. It’s the weekend, so he let me off after serving him his breakfast.

 

I hope he slept it off.............

Erika is punished, but she is more worried about Loki than herself.............

This is a series that follows Am I truly A Monster? Loki x Reader. Part 1 of 2
and it starts here: Diaries of Loki's Chambermaid. 1: Appointment

Previous Chapter: Diaries Of Loki's Chambermaid. Ch5: Fallout
Next Chapter: Diaries Of Loki's Chambermaid 7: A Man In Uniform
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HelenGregory's avatar
Oh, it seems like a psychological crash for him. Hope he will make it through soon! And Erica's care is so sweet! <3